Wicked curve balls that save your life

You know when you get some news. Life changing news. Even if you knew it was a possibility, the stark news becoming reality shocks you and sends you through every emotion you have. I truly believe that sometimes these wicked curve balls are needed. It was for me. I was way too comfortable. I was in a funk. I wasn't living up to my potential. I wasn't living my best life.

Enter said curve ball-- it took me a few days to settle into to the reality. I was sitting on my back porch, which I do all the time, thinking about everything. I was looking up at the hundreds of stars I could see. It was there that my perspective change. I felt the attitude shift. The light switch was turned on. It was never gonna be the same. I wasn't ever gonna look back again.

I decided to be truly happy.... not just for a moment or when something good happened. I will be happy and joyful all the time. I will do the things that make me happy. I also stopped doing the things I felt obligated to do that made me absolutely miserable. I stopped saying yes to stupid stuff. I stopped doing things just because I felt like I had to do them. I started saying it wasn't a priority. I became grateful for everything, whether it was the birds singing in the morning to my neighbor mowing his grass at six in the morning. I refuse to give this up ever again.

It put me on a self love journey that should have happened years ago. I've always been overly critical of myself, always striving for perfection. Suddenly that just seemed idiotic. I began seeing my body as amazing. I mean it made two of the most precious children in the world. It's got me through so many health scares. It's put up with me taking bad care of myself. It's worked hard to get me back in the best shape I've ever been in my life. It hasn't failed me. I stopped thinking about all the things I needed to do better or where I fall short. I began seeing truly how far I've come. I saw the things I wanted to improve as a journey and became excited instead of depressed.

It made me wanna push myself. I want to do every scary thing I've always been afraid to do. I want to grab life by the balls and tell it to hang on tight. It doesn't know who it's messing with here. I'm a warrior princess. I am going to savor every life moment. I am never gonna forget all these amazing things. I will adventure more. I will shift  my priorities and start  doing things I've wanted to do but always put on the back burner. I began smiling nonstop as I worked harder, loved harder, and played harder than I ever have.

Basically I am going to do all the things that sets my soul on fire and makes me feel passionate about life.

So thank you life. This curve ball was needed. I think you knew that though. Here's to you... I'll make you proud

Entertaining angels

   I am a believer that we have guardian angels. I also believe that some of them are our family. My next door neighbor growing up tells me that I used to talk to my dad in the sky like he was sitting next to me. Kids are innocent so I tend to think they hear them more than we adults do.

    When Autumn was 2, she came into our room about 2am one night. She was a good sleeper and had never done that before. She said Jason's Pop-paw had said goodbye. I thought she was dreaming until about an hour later we got the call that Pop-paw had passed away 5 minutes before Autumn came to wake us up. I fully believe he came to tell her goodbye.

     This leads me to my current angel visiting me as I like to believe. I have relatives who visit my dreams. It used to depress me but I soon realized they always had some word of wisdom that later came in handy. They know that I can't learn a lesson the first time, I gotta learn it five or ten times before "I get it".

     Lately it's been my Popaw in my dreams. He's not one that comes in dreams a lot for me. My Popaw was a farmer. He loved nature and he loved to paint it. The day that he died, I was sitting on my patio crying. A mama doe brought her twins into my backyard. My backyard became their playground that summer. They always came on days I was anxious, sad, or had some hurdle I was trying to jump. I just always knew it was Popaw. The timing was always perfect and always lifted my spirits. The deer became so used to me I could slip outside and watch them for an hour. Mama doe always knew I was there but she let them stay. The last two years like clock work a mama doe brings her twins to my backyard to play.

     Right after my Popaw died, I also started finding four leaf clovers. I remember as a kid him leaning down and picking one to show me. I had never had found one before. That summer I found over 50. I pressed them and made them into bookmarks. They were everywhere I went. Last summer, they started showing up everywhere again about the same time. I didn't find 50, but I did find a good 25 last summer. I've been a little anxious and praying a lot about things going on lately. So it doesn't surprise me at all that I came across four 4 leaf clovers tonight at sunset. It's like a forehead kiss from him telling me everything is gonna be just fine.

Luke 4:10
10 For it is written: “ ‘He will command his angels concerning you to guard you carefully;

Hebrews 13:2
2 Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.

Scribble Scrabbles

"All art is but dirtying the paper delicately." ~John Ruskin

I love to draw and paint. I am not fantastic and have a lot to learn, but enjoy spending hours messing with a drawing until I have it the way I want. Here are a few things I have drawn this year. 

Face deep in weeds and God Speaks

     If you had told me as a young adult I'd be the lady with the huge flower beds... I would have laughed in your face. I hated pulling weeds as a child. HATED!!! Slowly but surely I have started one bed then another, just as both of my great grandmothers did. It just runs in our veins. If there is an open spot, I will dig it up and put a plant there. Nature is where I feel like God is right beside me, patting my shoulder and talking to me. It's when I feel closest to Him. I love sitting on my back porch, with my fountain running, coffee in hand, looking out at how beautiful nature is and thanking God for all this beauty.

     Every spring I do one big weed pull and tidy up session. This way I can just go along every day and yank the few weeds that pop up. I also prune back all the dead and fertilize.  It's during this time of pruning God reminds me of this verse.

John 15:1-2 says "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."

     Every year I am reminded that God is pruning/cutting off the things of my life that are no longer needed. The last few years have been healing years for me. One where God brought people in my life to love me, to correct me, and to help me grow. So the pruning I had been getting, while uncomfortable, was understandable and even wanted. It hurt but I saw the fruit of it.

    For a while now though, everything I had gotten "comfortable" with seemed to be falling apart. The things that worked didn't work anymore. Everything I loved was changing. I was angry. I was heart broken. I prayed and told God both of these things. (Yes I told God I was angry at him. He knows I was no use in lying.) As spring came I was accepting the change better but still a little miffed (read: becoming bitter) by it at times. Which brings us to today, with me face deep in weeds and dead things needing to be pruned. I was taking care of my plants and talking to God. I was being very honest telling him he had pruned all the wrong things. (I know I know.).

     After 13 years in my house, I decided to do a major overhaul of my entire flower beds. I pulled up all of my great grandmothers bulbs and moved them to the fence row. I needed some greenery and flowers throughout the year. I just needed a change. I took a break and looked at the hundreds of irises laying all over the ground. That's when it hit me. God spoke to my heart "See those irises. Are those irises bad? Is there anything wrong with them?"  "Of course not God. They just don't fit in with the new plan I have in my head. The garden that will grow, stay green, and flower throughout the seasons. The garden that's easier to care for and that I can enjoy more. "

    There it was in a nutshell. The things I have been losing or have been changing were not wrong things or sinful things even. They were just "no longer for me" things. I loved these things, people, places, habits, and ideas. God's been and is continuing  pruning these things so I can grow, all the while I am over here throwing a tantrum and pouting. Boy do I feel silly now. That's when I thanked God for this incredibly hard season that I've been going through. I don't know what the plans are, but I know that everything happening will all be to prosper me and not to harm me.

    So as I close this long ramble up, I'm going to leave you with the two verses that came to mind as I finished planting my new flowering shrubs. These verses and my continued prayers while I worked today brought an instant peace and calm to my broken heart. I have hope once again. God is  growing me, teaching me, loving me, and healing me.

Jeremiah 29:11-13 says "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you.You will seek and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

Hello April... flowers from my garden

To the woman who started my coffee addiction at age 5

    

     I've lost a great many people in my life. I think about them often and miss them always. Sometimes though one particular person just keeps coming to your mind. Everything you see reminds you of them. These last few weeks it has been my great grandmother, Marie, or as I called her my Mamaw Murfreesboro. As I was thinking, I realized so many things about me originated with her so I thought I'd share a few so you know why I am the way I am.

     My love of coffee came from her. I remember when we would stay with her I would try to wake up as early as possible so it would be just me and her. I was probably 5.  She would be out on her back patio drinking coffee. When she'd see me, she'd come in and make me coffee. Every time she made coffee she'd tell me the same thing as she poured a lot of milk into my cup of coffee. "Now you're a blonde. Blondes drink their coffee with milk and sugar. If you were dark headed you could have your coffee black. That's the rules." Now as I grew up I knew that probably wasn't logical but it held true for a long time. When I was 20 years old at work, I saw a dark haired person drinking coffee with cream for the very first time. It kinda broke my heart that Mamaw's coffee rule wasn't true anymore. Either way she started my coffee habit.

     She had the most beautiful flower beds. I never thought I'd want flower beds because I hated weeding them as a kid. As I've grown older though I find I love my flower beds and the memories of hers always come to mind. I also find I enjoy sitting outside on my patio just like her with a cup of coffee talking to my flowers.

     My love of Johnny Cash and Elvis came from her. I would follow her around room to room listening to her whistle. Now I tried to whistle but couldn't. One day she told me her whistler broke so she just blew air now. The air still made a noise but not a whistle. She taught me to "our whistle"  Ring of Fire.

     Mamaw was one of the best cooks ever. She made the only fudge I love, butterscotch. I've only ever found it twice in my life.  She also made the best chocolate pie in the world. Many of my recipes I cook are her recipes like steak and gravy and pork chops. Her house always had the best food. No one ever left hungry.

    Some of my first memories of church were with her. I remember driving past farms to get to this tiny church. I remember Uncle Joe singing "I'll fly away" on Easter. I also remember an Easter egg hunt in the cemetery where I think Uncle Joe and Mamaw helped me find the gold egg. I was very disappointed it was just a hard boiled egg covered with aluminum foil and kinda wished I had picked up the marshmallow bunny instead.

     Mamaw gave me the nickname George. Well, Im pretty sure every grandkid was nicknamed George. We just all knew by how she said it which one of us she was talking to.

     Mamaw was one of the most breath taking people I remember. She always was dressed impeccably. Her make up was always applied perfectly. She always smelled so wonderful. She was graceful, stylish, and very regal like. I've always wanted to be like her when I grow up. Except I didn't get the grace part. I trip over air. Haha. I remember a family friend saying that Marie would never be gone because I looked just like her. I thought she was crazy. I do see now that my grandfather and her both gave me their big cheeks and our eyes are the same when we smile.I also got her hair.... not sure if that's a blessing or a curse. She had absolutely the best laugh. It filled up the house and was infectious.  In fact, her house was always filled with laughter, a lot of people, and a lot of love. It had a warmth and homey feel for all who visited. She is surely missed by all of us.

Flora and Future Fauna